That Floating Poo Was Far Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.
Looking back, we consider the TV offerings of the recent year, a handful of series stand out not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly poor docuseries, here are the productions that left us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
How to start with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with woeful writing, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show fought to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third series started, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner announced this would be the final season. It concluded on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo full of poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, fans undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’
But that was practically the least of this drama's issues. The recipient of a very rare no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The laughably wooden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The seemingly wilful procession of cliches? Acting so poor they felt almost malicious? Let’s just say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. However, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the restraining orders, abuse allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but dismissive narcissist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we understood it was preposterous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
MobLand
Dodgy figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Given the extent to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine come to life; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are obviously interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, self-image, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was like reading a sales brochure. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.
The Game Show
It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even camper, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.
Too Much
How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt icky.
The Sketch Show Return
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the shrewd inclusion of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated with care. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from oddly breezy, slightly mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A total mess? Absolutely.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? No! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and killing off – intellectuals honestly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the content creator renowned for explicit escapades as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was way more examination of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific shots and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.
